Busy

Today I’m feeling guilty. I should have written this post yesterday. I failed. Maybe you looked for a post yesterday and wondered where it was. I wondered what you might be thinking when, at the end of a day I hadn’t really anticipated, it dawned on me that it was a blog day. Then I got cross with myself. That’s what I do you see, I beat myself up if I think I’ve made a mess of something, or failed in a task. I’ve had therapy too! Still do actually. I have language for it. I understand a least a little of where it comes from and what sustains it. I am a counsellor now too, so I sit with others and help them do what I am trying to do. But still, at the end of yesterday, I was cross and disappointed in myself. To be fair, it was a very busy day and I had to do things I hadn’t anticipated. They all took time and the day slipped away. And here I am the morning after the day before writing a blog that I should have written yesterday. It makes me wonder: is God cross with me? Is God disappointed because I failed to write a blog yesterday? Well, let me put it this way. There is nothing I can do to make God love me more, and there is nothing I can do to make him love me less. He can’t love me anymore today than he loved me yesterday, and he won’t be able to love me anymore tomorrow than he does right now. So, you figure it out! And by the way, that’s not to say that sometimes God is disappointed in my choices or may actions or my words or thoughts. Sometimes I make bad choices, say things I shouldn’t, act in inappropriate ways and God will be disappointed. But it doesn’t make God love me less. He’s disappointed because I hurt myself and others, but his love remains. And, he doesn’t get so busy that he forgets about me. Ever. David tells us in Psalm 139 that we can’t count how many times a day God’s thoughts turn towards us. He says God thinks about us more times a day than there are grains of sand. That’s a lot! And God doesn’t slumber or sleep either (Psalm 121). I may forget because I’m busy, but God is not me. He is never too busy. You may be disappointed in me because I was busy and forgot to write my blog yesterday. I might be disappointed in myself because I was busy and forgot to write my blog yesterday. My best guess is, that if God is in anyway disappointed, it will be because of the way I think about myself, or perhaps they way you think of me. But he wasn’t too busy and he was thinking of me. And he still is right now. And he will be today, whatever the day brings and whatever I might be too busy to do. The truth is, he’s not too busy to love me today.