Mystery

I don’t like mystery. I’m not good at mystery. Mystery makes me feel uncomfortable. Mystery leaves me feeling uncertain. I know that’s what is, but still I don’t like it. I don’t t like it when I don’t understand. And there are lots of things I don’t understand. I don’t understand why, for example, QPR are not no the team they were when I starting supporting them (and coincidentally when they were top of the old First Division!). I don’t understand why I don’t always get things right first time! I don’t understand why people don’t always understand me. I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t love Stilton cheese (although I’m actually pleased I’m the only one in the house who will eat it). I don’t understand maths or physics or why they have to be so complicated. I don’t understand why my feet smell and my nose runs! I don’t understand why good people suffer. I don’t understand why people can be so kind and caring and generous one moment, and then so selfish, uncaring and mean the next. And here’s the thing, I don’t even understand myself most of the time! I don’t understand how I can be so different from one day to the next. Sometimes I’m great, feeling good and ready to take on the world. Sometimes I don’t even want to get out of bed. Mostly I don’t understand the world around me. Yesterday was a day that left me feeling like I don’t understand anything. And it made me think I certainly don’t understand what God is up to. If indeed he’s up to anything. But maybe that’s just me. Probably not though, right? Yesterday was a mystery. It made no sense. Why do people do the things they do? Why does this virus take our loved ones from us? Why is the world this way? I don’t know. And I don’t understand. It challenges my faith. It questions what I believe. And less and less I think I’ve got it figured out. I used to be sure. But now? I don’t like mystery. But perhaps as I begin to embrace the mystery, I begin to find God, not lose him. As I begin to live in the mystery, I begin to live in God. For maybe the truth is that it is in the mystery I can walk most closely with God. And that God waits for me there.