Kindness

I read something this morning that has hit me right between the eyes. It’s not something entirely new, but it has come with a different twist and a force that has quite surprised me. And even since reading it, reflecting on it, deciding to write a blog about it, I’ve experienced the truth of it! So, you may be wondering, what did I read? Well, here’s the bit I’m very familiar with: “Love your neighbour as yourself!” (Mat. 22:40) No doubt you know that as well as I do. No doubt you’ve heard it as many times as I have. No doubt you would say it’s a good thing and something we should all try hard to do and a good way to live. After all, it’s the second command, second only to loving God with all your heart soul and mind. So, if you’re a follower of Christ, it’s not an optional extra. But there’s a twist I’d never really engaged with before today. C.S. Lewis apparently described this command as “horrible command"! He’s more bold than me. But he evidently spotted what I had, unit this morning, failed to spot. Or at least I’d had a very different take on. I had always made the assumption that God gave this command because the deep truth of the human condition is that we love ourselves! I’ve even, I think, preached about the fact that because we love ourselves, we get into all sorts of problems! Which, in some ways, I still think is true. But this morning I read something that leapt out at me and echoed where C.S. Lewis is coming from. He noted that it is a horrible command if you don’t love yourself. And sadly many people don’t. And, what haunted me is that, a lot of the time, I don’t love myself. Not really. And if I love others in the way I love myself, then, a lot of the time, that’s simply not good. I’m not trying to be clever here, I’m simply being honest. I have a hard time loving myself. I know, I’m a minister and a counsellor and in both those places I spend a lot of time helping people recognise the deep and profound truth that God loves them because he loves them…which I honestly believe is true. But I have a hard time recognising that truth for myself, because, I find it hard to love myself. If I treated people the way I treat myself, you’d have thrown me out of ministry a long time ago. No, seriously, you would. Here’s just one example: when I came to write this blog I noticed that last week’s blog got 5 likes! And down the spiral I went: I’m rubbish, I have nothing to say, people think it’s not even worth hitting whatever button it is you have to hit to “like” something. I nearly didn’t even start this blog. You won’t like this one either: it’s not profound , it’s not commenting on the way the world is…And, if I spoke to people the way I speak to myself…The good news is that I’m working on it. I’m trying to find ways to be kind to myself, for being kind to myself is the beginning of the healing. The Bible tells us that God is love (1 John 4:16) and Pau tells us that the first thing about love is that it is patient and kind (1 Cor. 13:4). Which means God is kind to me, even if I find it hard to be kind to myself. In a world that needs lots of kindness, especially at the moment, maybe it’s actually really important that we all engage in this kind of reflection. I was going to write all sorts of other things in this blog, hoping to impress you! But, I’m going to be kind to myself (and maybe to you too) and stop now. I’m going to continue this challenging journey for myself because it’s what God wants me to do, precisely because he is love. And maybe he wants you to do so too.