Goodness

I’m struggling with goodness. Actually I’m struggling with God’s goodness. Well…what do you think? Sometimes when I come into the church I get my guitar out and I sing. I love to sing. I’ve done in al lot during lockdown. I can sing my heart out and it doesn’t matter because no-one is listening. No-one but God. And that’s why I do it. Because I want God to hear it. I want him to hear me sing. I really do. I want him to hear what the sings say that I struggle to say. A song I love to sing is Goodness of God. It begins: “I love you Lord, Oh your mercy never fails me. All my days I’ve been held in your hands.” And I believe that. I really do. Except on the days when I don’t. Except on the days when I struggle to know what that means and how it works out in my life and the lives of others. And I struggled yesterday. Yesterday we said our goodbyes to Andrew at his funeral. Only just over a week ago I said my goodbyes to my mum at her funeral. And in the last two weeks I’ve heard of the deaths of two people I worked with through my counselling at St. Catherine’s Hospice. It’s been a tough few weeks. Forgive me if I’m wondering about God’s goodness. Yesterday I spoke about the deep and profound truth that nothing can separate us from the love of God. That is absolutely fantastic. Lots of things can make it difficult for us to know and feel God’s love. But nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from his love. Now, if that’s ultimately God’s goodness, I love it. But if I start to look at what happens in life and try to figure out why some things happen, I’m struggling already, The song goes on to say that “All my life you have been faithful.” If I think that means that God should be faithful in the way I think about it, then I’m struggling again. I can think of lots of times when I can question God’s faithfulness to me. Like when my dad died fifty years ago. What was that about? Doesn’t feel like faithfulness to me. But I’m beginning to wonder if actually God’s faithfulness is about something a bit different. What if God’s faithfulness is about him being totally and utterly committed to bringing me home to be with him. And that there is nothing that he will ever let come between me and his love. Not that I can get excited about. Really, really excited. It’s good news for Andrew. It’s good news for my mum and my dad. Its good news for me. And it’s good news for you. And, if that’s what God’s goodness is about (even if that’s only a fraction of what God’s good ness is about) then I’m in. Absolutely in. Hook, line and sinker. I think I’m going to go and sing. And I think I know which song it will be! Hope God’s listening.