Still Waters

So…I started running again during lockdown. And, as I’m sure you remember, I came to the conclusion that if I carried on improving at the rate I was, I would get to the point where I wouldn’t have to run anymore because I would have already finished! Turns out it’s not true. And today I proved it. I’ve been running for weeks now, months even. I’ve been pretty good at going regularly too - and it’s not my favourite form of exercise. But today I didn’t so much run as plod. But there are reasons for that you know. The first runs were painful, literally painful because I hadn’t run like that for years. But, the body being the great thing it is, you get used to it. The muscles become attuned and they respond without the pain. And, although I’m pretty active as a person and I love exercise and keep reasonably fit, my body got fitter at running. That’s what happens. Fitness is specific to the activity. I can be great in the pool but struggle when I run. But I’ve got better at running. Or you would think so wouldn’t you? But, it turns out there’s a lot more to it than that. When I was doing my counselling training, I loved a book called “The Body Keep the Score” by psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk. It’s primarily a book about trauma, but it’s point is essentially vey simple and quite profound. Your body remembers trauma and stress. And that can have an impact on how you respond physically and mentally to what is happening to you now! I was really slow today. It’s not because I’m unfit. It’s not because I ate too much before I ran. I didn’t. It’s because my body is keeping score. It’s been a challenging the last few months. A really demanding time. And the last few weeks have been, well, the extremes of emotion all packed together. And this morning my body told something: “Ian you are absolutely shattered.” I nearly didn’t make it round to be honest. I kept going because that’s what I do. I keep going. Always. Keeping going is a quality, mostly. But not always. And when it’s not a quality it gets people like me into trouble. My body is telling me that I need to take a break. I’m not superhuman although I want to be. And writing this is painful. It’s a bit like admitting defeat. Except it’s not. And my body is not the only one telling me something. There’s a very famous poem that’s telling me the same thing. You know it as Psalm 23. There it tells me that God, the great shepherd who loves his sheep, leads me beside still waters. Except sheep can be stupid and get themselves into trouble. They don’t rest by still waters. At least not sheep like me. Truth is, I am a fallen human being who needs to listen to both my body and to the one who created my body. I need to rest. I simply can’t keep on keeping on keeping on keeping on. And here’s the thing. God doesn’t want me to. I’m having a hard time getting my head around it, but maybe I would do well to listen to my body. And maybe I would do well to listen to the great shepherd who leads his sheep by still waters. And maybe you would too.